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A Not So Happy Father’s Day for Permanent Alimony Payers

Father’s Day a sad day for permanent alimony payers.

What is Father’s Day? For most of us, it means a day for fathers and children to come together to show appreciation and love for each other. For some fathers in Florida who pay permanent alimony, there is a persistent feeling of frustration and sadness that goes along with their particular state of fatherhood. They cannot afford to do for their children what they would like to do.  They must first pay their former spouse, and if they’re lucky, they will have enough money left for the children’s needs.

A perfect case in point of this situation is my friend and FAR colleague Hector Torres.

My friend’s own story of frustration in his own words:

I’m a very good father who has always made his kids his priority in life. In 2001 I got divorced,  a 13 year marriage with 3 kids. In 2006, my oldest son (at the age of 17) came to live with me after my ex-wife literally told him to LEAVE and that she did not want him to live with her anymore.  In 2007, my daughter (at the age of 16) came to live with me after my ex-wife also pushed her out of the house.
 
So in 2007, I was paying child support for 3 kids even though  2 of the 3  were now living with me. In 2007 I filed a Petition for Modification because I had two of my kids now living with me and my ex had been cohabitating with the same man since 2006.   After fighting more than 2 years in court to reduce or terminate my alimony and to get a reduction in child support, in 2009 the Judge ruled that my ex-wife could continue to receive the same amount in alimony and child support even though my ex-wife was now working at her boyfriend’s company, my ex-wife was cohabitating with her boyfriend for more than 2 years, and my ex-wife had 2 less children living with her.
 
In 2010, my youngest son (at the age of 14) came to live with me after my ex-wife threw him out of the house. It is now 2012 and I have 3 kids that need my help but the alimony law says that I must support my ex-wife before I can support any of my kids . This is a travesty of justice but it happens every day in Florida because the alimony laws are antiquated and the law and the Judges give priority to women over the children. 
 

Here’s what the Florida Family Court Judge had to say.

“The Former Husband testified that the children live with him.  While it is commendable that he has a strong bond with his children and that he wants to support them in every manner, including Hector, Jr., under the eyes of the law Hector, Jr., is an adult, even though he is a young man.  The Former Husband’s obligations are to the Former Wife based on the marriage he had with her.

“The Court must find that there is a substantial change in circumstances, and it is a material change in order to modify what the Court previously ordered based upon the marriage and what Ms. Torres contributed to the marriage before the marriage was dissolved.  The Court cannot consider supporting the adult child in its consideration of change in circumstances.”

Florida law favors an able-bodied ex-spouse over a young “adult” just getting started in life.

The truth is stranger than fiction. You can’t make this stuff up. What’s worse, Hector’s story is not uncommon in Florida. Do the “needs” of an able-bodied adult trump the needs of a young person, still in school, but an “adult” according to Florida law for no other reason than the two adults were once married? In Florida, the answer is an unfortunate yes.

While I have never met the former Mrs. Hector Torres, I do know she is able-bodied, yet the law does not require her to ever help herself. Hector was married for less than 15 years, yet potentially could pay alimony for another 50 years or so, all the while his former wife has absolutely no responsibility for her own life, even though her children no longer live under her roof.

My fiance is in a similar situation as many permanent alimony payers are. It’s truly the time for the laws to be updated and reflect our current society.

Debbie Leff Israel About Debbie Leff Israel

I am a core member of Florida Alimony Reform (FAR) and the Chair of the Florida Second Wives Club, a subgroup of FAR. This group is especially important in light of recent quotes by David Manz, past chair of the Family Law Section of the Florida Bar who has stated that the members Florida Alimony Reform (FAR) are a "small, one-sided group of Floridians" or a "few angry men". For all of us who are either married to, engaged to, living with, or dating a permanent alimony payer, we know first hand and all too well that the devastating effects of permanent alimony are far reaching and profound. Some of us have witnessed firsthand how our incomes have increased our husband's alimony obligation, while others of us won't marry our significant others for fear that our hard earned income and assets could be touched by an ex-spouse.

In Massachusetts, where alimony reform was signed into law in September 2011, the Second Wives Club was instrumental in their success. The Florida Second Wives Club will be as strong, if not stronger, and very vocal in order to educate the world as to our plight. The world will see how permanent alimony affects all citizens, not just a few angry men.

While alimony is gender neutral, 95% of alimony is paid to women, so the Second Wives Club will have large numbers because many women date and want to marry a divorced man. In 1980, more than 30 years ago, New York State changed its alimony laws and decided that the purpose of alimony is to give the dependent spouse a bridge to make the transition to independence. Those who receive permanent alimony in Florida and elsewhere appear to be the only group of able-bodied people in the country who have no obligation to ever become self-supporting. Even welfare recipients are given several years of assistance and set free. Alimony was intended for women whose husbands left them when women had few career opportunities. Today, in a bizarre twist, the new wives of lifetime alimony payers are expected to use their economic power to support an ex-spouse who is given a free pass at self-sufficiency.

You may contact/follow me
1. via this web site on the Second Wives Club (SWC) blog
2. on Facebook www.facebook.com/floridasecondwivesclub
3. on Twitter @alimonyreformer.

Comments

  1. oreocat says:

    I am very interested in joining this cause, and I have been wanting to speak my mind for a long, long, long time. I don’t belong to facebook or twitter, but I just joined florida alimony reform. I will fight to the very end to outlaw permanent alimony. My second husband has been paying faithfully every month to support a useless ex-wife. I really do not have any other words for her other than useless. We are hard-working professionals, and it just makes me sick that we get up and go to work every day while she does absolutely nothing all day long. You have my vote Debbie

  2. eflaxman says:

    “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” These immortal words that form the bedrock of our nation are being mocked very day in courts that continue to support permanent alimony. Should one able-bodied adult be allowed a permanent vacation that is funded by the labor of another? Should one person be allowed to pursue a free life while another is responsible for paying for that life? Permanently? Thank you, Massachusetts Legislature, for righting this wrong. Florida, now it is YOUR turn.

  3. Nannette says:

    I think that the family court in our state of Florida are so out of touch with the best interest of the family and everyone knows it. A spouse is not a paycheck; they have needs, feelings, desires, hopes and dreams. Marriage between adults is a faith based promise not a financial diaster that the family court judges have made it into. Never should an adult recieve lifetime Alimony or more than half the length of the marriage. Modifying these court orders is a nightmare and proving a supportive realionship forget about it. That’s how these lawyers and judges make the money litigation and then litigate some more. All divorces need to have an end date period! Come on people is this what we want our world to be about punishing another through thier paycheck. I hope FAR will be posting the names of these family court judges because I will be voting them out of office.

    • Nannette says:

      I’ll Start Judge Mark Shames; I will not be voting for him. He’s currently not on my ballot but when he is he’ll not get a vote from my family members.

      • stolenretirement says:

        I also had Judge Mark Shames in St Pete.
        Took 2 months for the final ruling.
        Refused to consider that I was unemployed when he ordered me to pay permanent alimony of >$4,000/month to a healthy Dentist.
        The way the Law is written plus the lack of common sense in the Judiciary leads to irrational rulings i.e. Judiciary IN-Discretion.

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